Will I Be Enough?

  In a world with over 7 billion people in it, it’s crazy how we can still feel alone? The people who we surround ourselves with will either fuel our souls or teach us a hard lesson.  This was one of the biggest fears that I used to have. I was afraid that I would end up alone because I wasn’t good enough, accepted or the thought of I don’t deserve to be happy. I have challenged these irrational beliefs several times and they are obviously a work in progress but through different experiences, the control these beliefs have over me, lessens.  Throughout the last few years, I’ve learned that loss, grief, anger and change really bring out the true nature of people. I knew this of course but experiencing it firsthand on many different levels and personally, it was eye opening. The biggest lesson that I have learned is that I can only control how I respond to other people and their behaviors and what they choose to do. When life changes, decisions are made and pain is felt, yo...

  There is something to be said about where we place our energy. The grand goal for myself this year was "to waste less." Waste less time, waste less money, and waste less energy on things that were not going to benefit me, my goals or happiness. I have found myself wasting time and energy on things that are no longer serving me and the challenging task of being aware and shifting that energy.  If you've ever read Viktor Frankl's Man Search for Meaning, he talks about how pain is inevitable. We will all experience pain in life, but suffering is an option. This quote and the one posted above have been in the forefront of my mind recently. If I choose to allow the challenges, hurdles, hard days and overwhelming emotions overpower me, I will become that negativity. I choose to embrace that. I know that for me, I need to sit in some of the negativity for a bit but not become it. That is the hardest part. It is easy to get stuck in the misery because it may be familiar. I ...

  So, I am back. I haven't written on here in almost a year and many things have changed and many things have stayed the same. I really don't know where to begin because life has been a real shitshow the last six months. I decided to start at the place I know best, which is right in the here and now.  Due to the fact that I have this awesome thing called "anxiety" and I have this big irrational belief "I'm not enough" that drives my thinking and behaviors, I always want to know "what's going to happen? What is this going to look like? This is where I will be." All of these things of course I have very little control over. The one thing that I know that I have control over is how I respond when the situation or the person or the behavior doesn't go the way I assumed it would. I will be absolutely honest, I have not managed or responded well to certain things happening recently. I have been trying my best to maintain my sanity, survive an...