The Choices We Choose

 

I just wanted to mention that yesterday was a very odd day for me. I wrote my blog post in the morning and at the end of my day, I encountered an individual who shared a very similar story. Her story very much paralleled mine when it came to delivering her twins and the circumstances surrounding their birth. I was very much in awe, to say the least, as I have not met someone with such a comparable journey. Crazy, I'm not alone!

When I had seen this quote, it made me think of how intertwined our choices and circumstances are. No one chooses to have challenging life events occur in their lives. No one chooses to lose others or overcome obstacles that we can't even imagine exist. But during those life circumstances, we are faced with several choices, each choice placing us on a specific path. 

When I was admitted into the hospital on 8.20.2022, I figured we would have been there maybe 30 minutes tops. I would get checked out and we would be on our way. Well 30 minutes turned into over 4 weeks for me and 4-6 months for my girls. The choices that my husband and I had to make that night would set into motion whatever the chain of events that would follow. 

When the hospitalist and the maternal fetal medicine doctor were both done doing tests and exploring the concerns, we were given two options. Option one, engage in expectant care and try to make it to 23 weeks (age of viability) or option 2, terminate the pregnancy. **The hospital won't intervene or resuscitate if babies are born before 23 weeks. ** If we selected option 1, my life would be jeopardized because of risk for infection or preterm labor. If we chose option 2, they would induce me, and well the girls would be born. I was at 21 weeks and 3 days. 

Because of the unfortunate circumstance that we were in, the choice that we made would shift our lives exponentially one way or the other. I remember asking, "These are the only options?" Obviously, we know which option we picked, which was not even a discussion. We were not going to make a choice that would lead to ending this journey abruptly. We wanted to see what the unknown would hold and ultimately allow "the girls" to theoretically choose what was going to occur. 

This moment was another profound one for me, in which I learned that I had no control, and I was leaving everything up to something greater than myself. We made the choice to continue forward and even though it has been one of the most challenging roads in my life and we would have to make several more daunting choices along the way, I wouldn't change the choice we made in that circumstance for anything in the world. 

I became what I chose to do instead of allowing the circumstance to threaten or define me. 

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