Survive to Thrive

 


I have learned over the past year that living in survival mode can be essential when encountering chronic stress. I have also learned that consistent chronic stress and constantly living in survival mode will cause some amount of trauma and is extremely hard to get out of. 

What is survival mode you ask? Well survival mode is living in the survival part of the brain, so the flight, fight, and freeze modes. Living in survival mode means that you aren't able to self-reflect, empathize with others and rationalize at times. It means moving from one task to another at 100 mph and not allowing your brain time to adjust, relax or comprehend what is happening, you just go. 

I've worked in the mental health field long enough to have encountered others who have struggled with this, but it an entirely new ballgame when you live it firsthand. So how do you move out of survival mode, that is supposed to just be a season and move towards living and thriving?

My husband and I had a discussion about this last night and how incredibly challenging it is to shift gears into living mode. My theory is that if you write about it or talk about it, it gives whatever the "thing" is less power. Others believe it gives it more power. All I know is that I will not be able to experience life or be the mother, wife, daughter, sister, etc. I want to be if I am continuing to live in survival mode. 

Obviously, the experiences that my husband and I have been through will be perceived differently between us and impact us differently. It is challenging that the person you have gone through the trenches with, is ultimately the last person you can process the experience with. My husband and I have only a limited capacity to emotionally support each other at this time. I've noticed I am trying to find different outlets to manage this big cloud of crap that has developed, and it can be lonely at times. I think that you can get comfortable just living in survival mode, but it isn't supposed to be a way of life because we miss out on so much just existing in this style of life, and I am tired of just existing. 

The things that I have found that work in getting out of survival mode, I've learned working with others who have been in survival mode. Obviously easier said than done. One of the biggest things that I have seen work is engaging in regular self-care (ya, ok!); asking for help and understanding that I am not alone in this, and I don't have to be alone in this; exploring different avenues to help process through the stress, etc.; and being able to forgive myself. I will be the first one to tell you that I do not engage in any of these regularly and my goal is to start. 

I have already missed out on so much of the first few months of my girl's lives that I don't want to miss anymore. The most powerful thinking I believe, is accepting that we were dealt a pretty intense hand, I can't change anything, and it isn't going to change, and I DO have the privilege of working through this and searching for whatever silver lining there is. I know that I have already learned how resilient my husband and I are, imagine what we will learn about ourselves by working through this. 




Quote link: https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fquotefancy.com%2Fmedia%2Fwallpaper%2F3840x2160%2F6693287-Michele-Rosenthal-Quote-Survival-mode-is-supposed-to-be-a-phase.jpg&tbnid=LS8rUCoWl9i6sM&vet=12ahUKEwi0jL_H5sL-AhXHiO4BHarCAfAQMygDegUIARDGAQ..i&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fquotefancy.com%2Fquote%2F2797736%2FMichele-Rosenthal-Survival-mode-is-supposed-to-be-a-phase-that-helps-save-your-life-It-is&docid=dgIbOPB7MVGtEM&w=3840&h=2160&q=survival%20mode%20quotes&ved=2ahUKEwi0jL_H5sL-AhXHiO4BHarCAfAQMygDegUIARDGAQ

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