Most Things

 


Tom Petty is one of my favorite musicians. This song lyric has been one that I have used and reminded myself of over the years. It comes from the song, Crawling Back to You and this quote is remarkably true. 

I am a great stressor. It is one of the many talents I have, haha. Since becoming a mom and going through the journey of the pre-term birth of my girls and the long NICU stay, I have had to learn how to keep my stress and anxiety in check. It does me nor others any good to constantly be neurotic and stressed out. 

The NICU had a sign posted that read "You are responsible for the energy that you bring into this building." I didn't want to add to the chaos that my girls were going through and stress about what I had no control over. 

I experienced the impact that my anxiety had on the girls. If I was able to hold them and do skin to skin with them and I was anxious, it was a very hard time. The girls would be uncomfortable, they would cry, squirm and I usually had to put them back way before I wanted to. I also had several NICU nurses mention to me that it could be my anxiety and that the girls can sense it. Another message that I received as not being a good enough mother, but that is for another post. 

I've realized that I am not in control of anything but my response to situations and events that happen. My girls can still pick up on my anxiety and stress and I have had to be cognizant of it. I have been repeating the above song lyric more and more lately and coming to terms with that most things I do worry or stress about, won't happen anyway; so why put myself through it twice, especially if it may not happen? 

We have had a lot of doctor appointments and the anxiety of going and not knowing what was going to happen or how a procedure was going to turn out was terrifying. (A majority of the things that I have worried about, have never come to pass). I can't change what is happening or what will happen and what good is it to worry about it before it happens? Being able to practice mindfulness and being in the present moment is a task that I am working on improving. Watching my girls smile, roll over and do all the amazing things they do in that moment is priceless and something that I don't want to ruin by worrying or stressing about what will happen tomorrow. Just remembering that anxiety lives in the future, depression lives in the past and all I have is the present moment and this is life. 



Quote Link: https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2Foriginals%2F57%2F23%2F1b%2F57231b6692cf611c45ec26e65e78f3ca.jpg&tbnid=CFRi1_t_ojUyyM&vet=12ahUKEwik_ov6w8X-AhWnFTQIHcf1DJAQMygAegQIARBS..i&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F466474473904807791%2F&docid=rGtw9MAmo-O-WM&w=850&h=400&q=most%20things%20i%20worry%20about%20never%20happen%20away%20image&ved=2ahUKEwik_ov6w8X-AhWnFTQIHcf1DJAQMygAegQIARBS

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