I Need….

 

Asking for help, what you need or want can be intimidating. I work in a field where very few people ask for help and some of the common reasons when asked why is, "It is embarrassing. I should be able to do it myself. I am weak if I need help." It is upsetting that this is the stigma that surrounds asking for help or asking for what you need. 

I am one that does struggle with asking for help or what I need. I am very good at offering help and providing others with what they need when they ask, but for myself, it is unfamiliar territory. I am not sure where this came from. Possibly from asking for what I need in the past and not receiving it; feelings of I am not worthy of what I need or perhaps the thinking of if I have to ask for help or what I need, should I be doing ____ anyway? So many thoughts that hinder the ability to ask for things. 

Sometimes I don't know what I need at that moment. My go to statement is "It's fine. I will figure it out." Umm, no, this never works because I rarely "figure it out." One thing that I would like to get better at doing is not assuming that everyone knows what I need, and they should just do it. I know this "solution" comes from the thought of, "Well if I don't have to ask for what I need then I don't look weak. They should know what to do because they just should." Very much martyrdom thinking, right? because everyone should know and if they don't, I can wallow in my misery. 

Not knowing is ok but the kicker is being able to identify and ask for what is needed. I am slowly learning this and in a weird sense, taking accountability for myself and what is needed to get through whatever is going on or whatever I am struggling with. 

The ability to be aware of when help is needed or when something is needed, is the first step; following through with asking for it, takes a lot of courage. Asking for what we need shouldn't be viewed as being weak or helpless. This has been a very hard lesson for me to learn throughout my life and one that was absolutely necessary when it came to this last year. 

I wrote about fear yesterday and one idea that surfaced was a seductive thought I had that I would've been able to tackle the feat of the NICU, having 25 weeker twins and maintaining life all on my own. Being dependent on others for as long as I had to be, assisted in shaping the thinking of asking for what I need as weakness and shifting it to being courageous or strong. I had to be dependent on others for basic needs, emotional needs, educational needs and pretty much life needs. Some needs were embarrassing but I couldn't do certain things on my own for a while and other needs were utterly terrifying, knowing I needed support.

Needing help, needing things or connections with others isn’t a weakness, it’s strength and awareness. Being able to express my needs in an effective way, will be the want for today! 



Quote Link: https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2Foriginals%2Ffc%2Fcb%2Fd7%2Ffccbd7a5674ee2e1259749d9366f6bb4.png&tbnid=oRp4PcjqZ213oM&vet=12ahUKEwjMl_LHgNX-AhWPH0QIHQBZD9UQMygFegUIARDMAQ..i&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F143270831869738855%2F&docid=0fbpdqCcGjeDKM&w=474&h=611&q=asking%20for%20what%20you%20need%20quote&ved=2ahUKEwjMl_LHgNX-AhWPH0QIHQBZD9UQMygFegUIARDMAQ

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