When in doubt, Write it out
I haven't written in a while; I've been detached a bit and I've realized that writing these has helped profoundly. Stopping something that has worked in the past is not usually the best idea but here we are.
I feel like sometimes I write about the same things and the same challenges. I know that all things won't be fixed right now and that some of it will take time, but it is interesting how things continue popping up over and over in different ways.
I've been feeling a lot of defeat, shame and guilt lately. I realized I have really good days and just how fast I can go back down. I yearn to have more good days and maintain those. I think my feelings of defeat, shame and guilt are really stemming from past experiences I haven't processed through yet, which there is no way I could have.
I look at my little nuggets and shame just washes over me wondering if I am doing enough for them or if they are developing ok. I look at my little nuggets and feel guilty that my body wasn't able to care for them longer and they had such a rough start to life. These thoughts are very much spontaneous and working towards changing my thinking is always the goal. I know that with these reoccurring thoughts, something is screaming to be processed and sifting through what "it" is, I am still exploring.
And then Riley kicks Hayden in the side like a bratty big sister (I have one of those) and you realize they are so perfect that they won’t ever remember their early struggle.
ReplyDeleteLol this is so true.
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